I was two years old in 1994 when the Genocide against the Tutsis took place in Rwanda, killing more than one million people and orphaning more than 400,000 children, who were left scattered throughout Rwanda with no one to care for them. I don’t remember my parents or siblings and do not know what happened to them in the genocide. I was rescued by an old man who found me sitting by the side of the road with the body of an old woman who seemed to be my grandmother in July of 1994. I was taken to Roz Carr, an American woman who lived on a farm in Mugongo, Rwanda. She sheltered children in her barn during the immediate aftermath of the genocide. She took in hundreds of children and created the Imbabazi Orphanage, which means 'a place where you will receive all the love and care a mother would give.'

Over time, some of the children were reconnected with their families, while 120 children were left at the orphanage, where they would live out their childhood. The children considered each other to be brothers and sisters. I spent almost 19 years at the orphanage until I left for university to study. The orphanage was the only home I had ever known. I call it home because Roz made sure we felt like it was ours.

In 2013, the Rwandan government decided to close all orphanages in the country. Our orphanage began removing children after the death of its founder, Roz Carr, in 2006. They sent young adults out of the orphanage to live independently. However, this program was not well-planned. The orphanage staff used it as a tool to remove the kids they did not like or who challenged them.

The government’s decision to close down orphanages caused the Imbabazi orphanage board to remove kids from the orphanage without considering how they would be affected. It seems they wanted to start a new business with the farms left by Roz Carr. Some who had family members or relatives were reunited with them, but others, like me, who didn’t have any family, were told to look for families that could adopt or foster us.

It was very hard for us because we didn’t have anywhere to go. It created feelings of instability and fear. It felt like the only home we had ever known disappeared overnight. We missed the days we had together as a family, with peace, security, comfort, and love. I still have nightmares of the last days in the orphanage, with children leaving without saying goodbye. I was at boarding school at the time, and when I returned home to the orphanage for the holidays, I found that I was one of 5 remaining children out of 120. We didn’t know where to go. The orphanage staff told us to look for people who could adopt or foster us. I went to see a mother who went to the same church, and she accepted to take me in even if I got a chance of being adopted at 21 years old. It was very hard for me to get used to my new family.

After having nightmares every night triggered by the abrupt way I left the orphanage, I came up with this photo project, 'Losing Family, Gaining Family: Memories of Loss,' to reminisce about the life my brothers and sisters once lived and to compare it with our lives now. I always dreamt of the last time we were together and when we were saying goodbye to each other because we didn’t have time, and I hadn’t heard any news about them since then.

Most people thought that living in an orphanage was a bad thing, with only bad days, hoping and waiting for someone to come and adopt you, or convincing someone to take you in. I want to share with the world that while we didn’t have parents or relatives who wanted to take us in, the orphanage took good care of us. We had a good time in the orphanage. I want to show the world that the orphanage was not a bad institution due to the caring and loving staff.

I have decided to embark on a photographic journey to find out how the Rwandan community treats orphans and how Rwandan culture sees them. This is part of the broader Motherhood project I am working on, where I’ve been focusing on a handful of mothers in Rwanda to show what motherhood means and also to discover for myself what it’s like to have a mother.

During my time in the orphanage, I was a normal child compared to those who excelled in academics and sports. I was not exceptional at either. However, I discovered photography through the generous teachings of Through the Eyes of Children, a program founded by David Jiranek. These workshops ignited a passion for the visual medium and have given me direction in my life.

I often miss the good times, the love, and the care all the children at the orphanage had. I remember the fun we had during the Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year because of the gifts and special meals we used to share. I also love Thanksgiving because we were served a special turkey meal.

During the time I spent in the orphanage, I didn’t dwell on the past. I didn’t know anything about my past life – life before the orphanage. The only life I knew was life at Imbabazi and it was good. I was a happy kid.

For this photo project, I plan to travel throughout Rwanda to visit the homes of the people I grew up with. I will document their current lives in photographs. We all grew up together at Imbabazi Orphanage, and sharing our current experiences along with the old memories we had back in the orphanage will help me understand how we adapted to life beyond the orphanage fence. When we lived there, we were not allowed to leave and spend time in the surrounding communities, except for special occasions. I want to understand how that affected us.

2023 marks the 10th anniversary of the closing of Imbabazi. This anniversary provides a moment to pause and look back. It also marks a departure point to see all the progress and new lives we live. This project will stand as a testament to the love and care we all received as orphans at Imbabazi Orphanage.

I hope this photo project will help others understand more about life in an orphanage. Despite not having parents, I want to share with others the story of how my brothers and sisters came together through tragic circumstances to build our own family and found love in each other. I think this project can be a tool to help people working in institutions like orphanages or the foster care system to identify the love and care orphans around the world need.

Between 1994 and 1997, the International Committee of the Red Cross (IRC) registered 120,000 unaccompanied children, but some observers including the government of Rwanda estimate that there were more than 400,000 children placed into orphanages.

The IRC program of restoring family links had unified some orphans, but the vast majority of children, who didn’t have relatives, remained in orphanages. According to the National Commission of Children, Rwanda had 35 orphanages that sheltered 120,000 orphans. The remaining orphaned children lived in child-headed households. These children’s parents died either in the genocide, refugee camps, or civil war period between 1996 and 2000, or were in jail because of the crimes they committed during the genocide.

These orphanages were in place for seventeen years until 2011 when Tumurerere mu muryango (Let's Raise Children in the Family), a program initiated by the government of Rwanda began to close down orphanages country-wide. At that point, there were 3,325 orphans remaining in 33 orphanages. By the time all those orphanages were closed in 2015, the remaining 2,294 orphans were either unified with families, adopted, or sent to foster families. According to the National Commission for Children, the government decided to close down orphanages in order to give vulnerable children a better start in life. But the project didn’t include children living in the streets or children with disabilities.

Global evidence shows that children have more balanced development when raised and cared for within a family. Research showed that 70 percent of orphaned children living in orphanages in Rwanda had extended families. Following the United Nations declaration that every child has the right to grow up in a family and based on the research that children had extended families, the move was taken to remove children from institutional living.

According to a 2013 study done by Tulane University, among three orphanages in Rwanda that housed 130 children, 70 percent of those children still had extended family members living in Rwanda. One in four children was able to return to a mother or father. Of the remaining children, 38 percent returned to grandparents, a brother or sister, or other family members, and 35 percent were sent to an adoptive family.

Following the orphanage closures and unification efforts, both the NCC and UNICEF refused to disclose the number of children who had left their new homes and ended up living on the streets or returned to the orphanages that were turned into community centers, by contacting the staff who had raised them.